It is good for me that I have been afflicted….

It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes. (Psalms 119:71)

I was very sick this past week. The sickest that I have ever been in my life. Multiple days with 103.4 degree fevers, nausea, aches, chills – and then an incessant cough started and went non-stop for almost 24 hours. I was down and out.

God's hand of blessing, protection, and guidance was present throughout the week. When I went into the Dr. the chest xray showed pneumonia, and the blood work showed a massive bacterial infection (highest white blood cell count the Dr. had seen in his 10 years of practice!).

So, how has it been good that I've been afflicted? Seeing as this is a bit of my journal and I don't want to forget some of these things, I'm documenting them here. . .

• There isn't anyone better to trust in than Jesus. I had a very important work commitment this weekend (read as: an out-of-state wedding to photograph). I have to confess that I struggled with trusting the Lord through this week. I wrestled with what would happen. And yet not only did a backup plan come together, but Lord provided a perfect substitute in their local area – whom the couple was thrilled with. I couldn't have been happier, and I was able to see how the Lord arranged things for His glory. "The glory of the Lord shall endure for ever" (Psalms 104:31)
• Being down and out sick is a great time for evaluating one's heart, life, and attitudes. And I've been finding lots of pride, wrong attitudes, complacency, and focus on self. I feel like I can so readily identify with Peter as he says, "Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O Lord." And yet I know that He is the One I need to be close to, and it's His Spirit that has been revealing these things to me.
• I've realized how soft I've become. This week, as I was sick, we've had temperatures in the upper 90's with heat indexes up around 110 degrees. I've been inside my air conditioned house this entire time. And yet I have missionary friends over in the jungles of Indonesia who are constantly battling sickness, malaria, fevers, and other jungle diseases – all without the comfort of air conditioning or easy access to Doctor's. And I've been evaluating how much time I spend lifting them up in prayer? How concerned am I for their physical welfare as they labor for Christ overseas?
• I've had a softening in my heart towards those who are sick and infirm. "Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." (2 Corinthians 1:4) There are so many whose lives are full of what I experienced for those 3 or 4 days. And, for them, there isn't an antibiotic to take that will start them on the road to recovery. Is my heart sensitive towards the suffering of others? Am I genuinely concerned for them?
• Missed opportunities to share the gospel have also weighed very heavily on me. What if the Lord had chosen to take me home this past week? What would have mattered in my life? Only that which I had accomplished for Christ. I've thought back to conversations and opportunities I've had over these past few months to share with others that I let slide. May I never, ever, again let an opportunity to share the gospel with someone go by. Even if I was on my deathbed – may I be more concerned about sharing with others than with my self. "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21)
  

I can look back and see all of this and much, much more. And yet the last thing my flesh wants is to ever be sick again. May my heart welcome whatever the Lord has for me in the future.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10